Every father wants to pass down his legacy and know that his time and energy will represent the pillars of developing a respectable family.
There are many ideas passed down from generations and many disruptive influences from today’s dysfunctional society. Still, flaws from the past and failures of the present do not control your life. The dangers of the world must not break your home.
To build a strong foundation, you must first understand why you struggle.
When your actions do not adhere to virtuous principles, your home will be in disorder. Without respect, honesty, compassion, fairness, and integrity, you will not have a consistent message that your children can follow.
The success of your family cannot be built on immorality and deception.
Your internal beliefs are going to be a reflection of your children.
If you are consistently fighting and arguing with your children to obey, this is a sign you need to improve and not about your children’s rebellion. You need to be giving examples of self-control and holding yourself accountable. Understanding your role and the responsibility associated with being a father is critical to making improvements.
If you are consistent, then your values would radiate through your home.
When your children don’t listen and act out, you would understand you are not listening. With just a little patience, you could sit silently and observe the situation. Instead of challenging the losing proposition to control, you bring stability to those who depend on you.
You no longer accept the man who you once were—the one who easily gets offended and allows your children to control your reactions. Many fathers fear experiencing this potential because it almost feels unnatural. It is something you have always possed it is only now that you have become aware of the opportunities to create rather than destroy.
You recognize for the first time what it genuinely feels like to be a good father.
This is not based on inferior ways you were raised or the constant control-based methods of current societal norms. It is not about suggestions from a book or any of the trendy quick-fix solutions to get compliance.
It is about what you were made to do—your innate ability to lead your family and be confident in your decisions based on truth.
The natural order of man is to be the source of absolute protection and security. How can our home be in peace if our actions are of defeat and uncertainty? If all our children see from us is frustration, scorn, and disappointment, then this is whom they become. These are the models you chose to give them.
For things to follow the natural law, standards need to be raised within yourself as a man. You need to have standards set in place that do not contradict your actions. The success of your family is dependent upon these standards.
A solid foundation is not easily created and is built over time.
A man should never take the easy way to prosperity. You should be evaluating yourself and the ways you interact with your children honestly.
Would the way you speak to your children be acceptable if another adult were to say the same things to them? Would you allow another person to talk to you in a demeaning and criticizing way? If you are honest, then the answer is no.
The acceptance of interactions you choose for your home’s standards reflects how you see yourself. If you are disrespectful and demanding to your children, you are no different from the neighborhood bully. You hold onto childhood insecurities and now unknowingly pass them onto your children. These false ideas about yourself hold you down from becoming the father your children desperately need.
You have to work hard to achieve results, and this does not change when you sincerely want to become the best father you can be. The real pain is from not admitting to yourself that you have done wrong. You would rather fail and avoid the pain you have caused than be a responsible man.
These negative internal beliefs will come to haunt you for the entirety of your family’s existence.
Instead of following principles, you impose your views on those incapable of thinking for themselves. You are the one creating the resistance, and you are the one conditioning your children to nonexistence.
To build a true foundation, you need real influence.
You need to share your ideas without the compulsion to impose your will. You need to have the courage to change your mindset and see raising a healthy family as the greatest challenge of humanity.
Do you show your children what it looks like to be in a healthy relationship?
“We only feel like being good for those to whom we are attached to. We weren’t meant to raise and teach children whose hearts we did not have. We have resorted to all kinds of tricks with our children because we don’t have enough natural attachment power to do our job. When we use these tricks, we insult the relationship.”― Gordon Neufeld
Respect is necessary for all healthy attachments and something that should be provided to children. You respect your children when you choose not to hit them when your teachings fail. Accepting this truth will immediately create a more trustworthy attachment with your children.
Healthy attachments are the building blocks for all relationships and especially important for children to feel safe in your care. Your parental authority is not magically granted to you, and to be mastered, it needs to follow the rules of nature.
For a positive change in your home, you truly need to believe that you are the guiding force of your children’s lives. You are the answer to their problems and the one they will come to in difficult times.
Not only do fathers need to be the protectors of survival, but they need to be the ones in charge of providing the closeness and warmth that only a confident man can bring.
It is a difficult task to accomplish, especially when we were not parented with these basic principles. Learning to be a good man helps you on your journey and instills the values and tools that your children need to thrive.
Giving your children the best of you builds them into a complete person—a person who will embrace goodness and push back against the evils of the world.
These ideas may sound simple but are crucial for a legacy that thrives.