I often hear fathers say that they would give their lives for their kids.
It is encouraging to me how such a difficult decision needs little thought about making the ultimate sacrifice. There is nothing more honorable than a father who is willing to risk his life to see that his children go on to experience their own lives.
Would you kill for your kids?
This is always answered with a reassuring yes and a decision that comes much more effortless. The suggestion of heroism brings a sense of pride to every father.
Of course, I would risk my life and also kill to protect the lives of my children. Being the ultimate protector of your kids is admired, but it is most important to experience a fulfilled life with your children.
What does being a hero for your child really look like?
Being a good father requires you to achieve greatness on many levels.
The protector is simple and comes naturally to most men. What continues to confuse us and causes pain in the relationships with our children is the inability to face the things that cause us discomfort daily.
Having the mindset to argue and yell about toys not being cleaned up, the garbage not being taken out, or homework not getting done does nothing for advancement.
You say you will die for your kids but will you struggle through pent-up emotional distress so these wounds will not be transferred to your children?
Would you be willing to change your thoughts about your parenting?
Self-examination is required for growth, and you must do it honestly. Are you working through the areas you need to improve? Are you changing your behaviors that seem complacent or reactive?
Every day we face obstacles with our kids, and even though they seem unimportant, they accumulate to more significant problems. If we don’t observe how our actions affect our kids, we will have difficulty creating genuine attachment.
Sometimes even good men get trapped in their own judgments, and this shuts the mind. The weak man clings to traditions and continually fails to see the virtue in fatherhood.
We want our kids to be good people and be well adjusted to a continually changing world. We have to be the example and show our children what it looks like to make corrections that improve their lives daily.
Are you giving them the tools that they need?
When they are younger, teach and show them they are important. Provide them with the skills to achieve self-acceptance by the constant energy you provide with building them up. You want your child to grow up and be a high-functioning adult who can help themself first and be available to help the good people in their lives. Nothing says more about the power of self-love than being so strong you can help care for others—a goal every father should have.
As a father, this lesson is taught by you being explicit in how you treat them. If you deviate from an honest assessment, you will have difficulty receiving your child’s attention.
Connection is one of the most vital things needed to influence your child. Learning to be empathetic can increase the connection and allow your child to be at ease in your company. You have to earn the trust of your child by truly caring about what they are going through.
You teach your child empathy by providing it to them in every interaction. Think about how it felt when you were a child. What type of engagement would have helped you when you were faced with difficult situations?
Too often, we command our child to be a certain way. We think we can demand them to listen with bribes or threats. This is no way to treat your child who is immature and inexperienced with their young life. They do not understand things as you do and need time to grasp complex concepts of how the world works.
Are you taking the time to teach them how to navigate life?
When you resort to harsh treatment, the point you intended to make rarely works. Instead of the lessons being learned, your kids think there is something wrong with them, and they can never do anything right. They need support and not a constant reminder that they are helpless and a continuous burden on your time.
You will fight to your last breath but will you question your actions?
Doing the hard work now will lift the fears you have of your children not being able to survive independently. You know you are powerful and masculine but keep telling yourself you can’t do this, and this is precisely the self-defeating prophecy you pass down. You teach your children to be resilient by enduring any complications they throw at you.
When your kids get stuck, they see dissatisfaction from their parents and create an image of a failure. Similar to the behaviors you display when you lash out from undergoing continuous parenting frustrations. Stop doing this! Your job is to teach your children that improvement comes from hard work and consistently finding solutions.
You need to see yourself as you are and eliminate any dishonorable traits you are passing down. Doubt and uncertainty come from a stubborn and unsteady mind. To be a good parent, you need to adhere to principles on what it means to be a good man.
You need to create a life worth following.
To be a man of dignity, you do not bend to the exposed pressures during challenging times. To be weak is to attack and lash out against a small child, which such action can never be justified. Having composure and calmness during difficult times is a true testament to the work being done to become a better father.
A man doesn’t let his emotions control his actions, and this principle needs to be over-emphasized in parenting. Do not fall victim to your personal feelings of discontent and allow this to affect your family’s outcome.
How can your children learn to overcome challenges if you fail to show them the way?
You have it in you to become a great father.
When you leave this world or when your kids grow up, they will have to figure things out on their own.
You create an independent child by giving them the best of you when they are vulnerable and dependent on your leadership. When they are young, give them your love, attention, and kindness so that when they grow, they will be confident about their life’s mission.
They can go into the world and rely on these experiences to guide them instead of acceptance from others. They do not seek external validation because they belonged to a system that cannot fail. Your family is now built on rooted principles that extend to everyone under your leadership and protection.
Instead of giving up our life, let us live this life for our kids. Let’s build a home whose walls will not collapse or a roof that will not cave in when faced with hard times.
If you need help with creating more peace in your home, schedule a meeting with me.