How do you judge the direction your going?
As a man and a father, I have pushed the limits to learn what is needed to raise my children in a healthy environment. In a world that doesn’t seem to care much about children, I made it a priority to show my kids what a high nurturance, functioning family might look like.
With the majority of parents still hitting their kids and using punishment for bad behavior, as a society we have a long difficult path ahead of us. I think a large problem lies in the responsibility of parents, and the diminished role of the father in today’s family. What are the principles being passed down? What are we actually showing our kids, what life is supposed to look like. Are we being consistent with our parenting and honest with ourselves?
When we yell at our child for making a simple mistake, are we aware of what we are displaying? Do we expect them to understand patience if we ourselves are not practicing it? As a man it frustrates me that fathers do not have the self control to focus and engage their children in a way that will be beneficial for father and son. We have lost our way in setting standards to what a healthy and mutual relationship looks like. We no longer think long term solutions, but rather seek instant relief from simple and annoying problems. We are controlled by the inner voices that make us lash out, speak harsh words, and use brute force. These are not the tactics fathers should be using to raise children. We fail to recognize with our true self, all while we are passing down our own childhood traumas to our children without any awareness of the damage being done. We have built a system based on falsehood and avoid any real solutions because of a fear in the pain we would feel from taking the path of healing ourselves.
In order to create structure within the family we need to stop allowing excessive shame, guilt, fears, intolerance, neglect, denial, and abuse guide us as fathers. We need to start having important conversations about effective communication, needs and nurturing, healing psychological wounds, reducing childhood trauma, and what we need to do as fathers to restore family values. We need to create love and connection by accepting these challenges and becoming stronger men in the process.
“There’s no weakness as great as false strength.”
― Stefan Molyneux