STATE OF INFLUENCE

Loving parents will be the most meaningful and positive influence of a child’s life. More importantly, having a caring and present father in the home will contribute significantly to guiding your child to a more satisfying life. 

There is an extreme concern with the number of children raised in fatherless homes and is a growing problem in society. It can not be stated enough about the significance of a father raising his children. 

Why is this important, and why is it happening? 

So many studies and statistics show all the negative impacts of a fatherless home. From an increase in emotional difficulties, depression, and anxiety. To the surge in criminality, child abuse, and drug addiction. It also contributes to a rise in obesity, poverty, and high school dropouts. 

I could also include how government involvement in monetary policy creates a rising cost of living and additional stress on families. Not only with providing basic needs like food, shelter, and clothing but how it consumes so much time from parents that could be spent more engaged and involved in their child’s life. 

You have to do consistent work.

When we lose our influence over our child, we allow outside forces to gain control. We tend to overact with potential threats our child will be exposed to in the world. There will always be danger and chaos going on that we can not control. Our job is to protect them but also prepare our children to survive when we are not around. 

Many fathers will assume that setting limits with screen time have fixed the problem. While it may teach children to regulate and manage their time, it needs to be done through consistent communication. 

When you take to the time to explain and give reasons, problems get solved. Your influence increases when your commitment increases.

Putting in the time increases the effectiveness of your teaching, and it openly shows your child you care enough to spend time with them. They learn a great lesson that those who love them will take the time and go through the pain associated with the hard work. 

You have to put in the reps! 

You want to choose influence over power!

The illusion of chaos.

Everywhere you turn, they are preparing you for chaos. Life has become something to endure rather than something you create. No wonder most view the younger generations as confused and misdirected. 

These days, most young people are searching for meaning and connection, but never really get to experience it in a genuine manner. They have a distorted reality of how a healthy relationship should look and feel.

Most of the influence they receive is from outside forces that impose consequences if they are not compliant. We have this strange attachment in society with controlling children and then complaining that they can’t accomplish anything.

Instead of improving the standards we set as fathers, we often submit to groupthink and outside influences. If you allow materialism and status to control your behavior, you create a selfish child. Who, because of your selfish examples, will eventually have your child lose faith in themselves. 

How can we expect our children to think for themselves if this is a task we fail to accomplish within ourselves?

When you don’t build value from within, you diminish the individuality of what makes your child unique. Your child will frantically search to eliminate the feeling of their unwanted selves. They are easily persuaded because your influence has not promoted self-advancement, and they can satisfy this passion with surrender to a group. 

When withholding the truth, we waste a tremendous amount of time. 

The influence you have is directly related to the language you use around your child. Teaching your child to speak as real as possible allows them to connect with others who have the same desires. Our examples should come from thinking and feeling as deep as possible, so our child can see the depth at which we think and feel.

You want your child to be genuinely who they are regardless of what others say. You now have an opportunity to show your child how it feels to be accepted and expand their perception of what it means to be connected.

Being in the presence of a father with strong values of who they truly are will encourage individuality and confidence in who your child becomes. At a young age, if they are treated with empathy and understanding, they acquire the ability to focus on growth and avoid distractions. 

Over the years, I have done many things in learning to be a better father. There were many things I needed to overcome and some specific barriers from my childhood that hindered my progress as a man.

I needed to acknowledge the unhealthy things I have done and the negative consequences it had on my kids. I had to change my behaviors and stop pretending that it didn’t have a negative impact on them. 

I needed to own my mistakes. 

I started to think, why am I doing unhealthy things to my children? Whether I was yelling out of frustration or demanding specific behaviors because of my failures, it didn’t matter. My children were rejecting the man I had become. 

Of course, I could have ignored them. After all, they are just kids. What do they know? Instead, I used it as an opportunity for me to grow and repair the connection we all desperately needed. 

I also understood there might have been very valid reasons I wasn’t as close to my kids as I desired. Reasons that I created. 

When my kids tried to express their feelings and announced that I wasn’t kind, I mistreated them, and I wasn’t listening, I changed my thinking. I started to listen to what they were saying. 

I wanted real connection, not just have my kids fitting into my narrative.