In modern society the role of the father has become very misguided. Many fathers have lost control of themselves and aren’t aware of how they should display their masculinity in the home. The primary job of the father is one of protection, to encourage their children to explore and develop confidence from a masculine role. A father should be able to teach his children about the importance of becoming their own authentic person and having the ability to be independent in the world. This must come from a place of learning, negotiation, and without the use of force. Initiating force is not always an aggressive act or one that requires physical contact.
When my son was younger I remember thinking how he was feeling when adults were demanding his affection. I know this may not sound important, but why were his feelings not considered? How was I allowing others to push aside my son’s feelings in order for them to not feel offended? This went against everything I valued with raising a confident boy. I was telling him to ignore his instincts, suppress his feelings, and be worried about pleasing others. We should be teaching our children about healthy relationships that do not require coerced affection. It is not my child’s responsibility to satisfy others needs. I should be displaying self respect and teaching my children to be grateful for the relationships we’ve created that help us grow stronger. Instead of being stuck in the continuous trap of being authoritative and trying to control every situation, which then leads to irritation, dishonesty, and ultimately needs more authority. You now have a family environment that is out of control, building resentment, irritating, and has an overall feel of negativity.
We live in a society that constantly diminishes a man’s value within the family and promotes the narrative that we are indispensable to the world. It is my belief that in order to bring peace to our family we need fathers to understand the vast differences between their role in the home and their mission in the world. To go out into the world and face your fears. Having the ability to overcome adversity is a characteristic of a truly powerful man. The father’s role outside of his home should be one that welcomes challenges from other men and looks to succeed through competition. The environment is completely detached from his parenting mode and should not be conflicted. A harsh world demands he embrace his inner power in order to compete with other men and secure the survival of his family. The masculine man does not care about the weaker guy.
“A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very, very dangerous man who has it under voluntary control.”
Jordan Peterson
This idea that men should be more empathetic about people in the world that do not care about him is the trap. It is a form of self abuse to think this way and a continuation of the abuse you may have suffered as a child. As a child you did not have a choice, but as a man you have a choice to not allow others to abuse you. You give empathy only to people who give it to you. If you raise your children with empathy, they will better understand what a healthy relationship looks like. They will not be manipulated from others by being overly empathetic. I remember when my middle daughter made the decision to advance in the opposite direction of the herd. At the time I am sure she didn’t understand her new path and probably felt very lonely. The thing is most people don’t realize they are alone. They would rather be surrounded by empty and meaningless interactions instead of going down the time consuming and strenuous path of self knowledge. This can only happen when we commit to focusing on ourselves and raise the standards we have with the people we choose to have in our lives. Your children will develop motivation from within, not with the purpose to please their parents or other adults.
Being consistent with your words and actions will help create trust and respect. Teaching respect through action instead of demanding it is very important. Understanding the degree of respect you will be treated with is the degree that you treat yourself and others. It is disrespectful to your wife and children if you are not treating yourself with respect. To display characteristics that show them you do not take care of yourself, to think you are not valuable, and to not carry yourself with respect.
“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.”
Carl Jung
You would be amazed at how productive life becomes when you give your child the freedom to choose. When your child displays confidence in themselves from the teachings you instilled through patience and dedication. Imagine the strength and love we could create by supporting fathers with practicing peaceful parenting in the home. I think this has the power to change the world within a few generations.
