There are undoubted struggles you will go through in life; the support you receive in those moments will help determine your future functionality.
One of the greatest lessons I learned as a father was acquiring the ability to empathize with myself. To look back at my childhood and ask what I needed in the time of these struggles.
If I was not sincere with the love I had for myself, I could not genuinely raise my children with love. If my initiative was always about getting my child to do what I wanted, I became unreceptive to helping them because I lacked an understanding of my own needs.
When your child has a problem and is displaying behaviors, less satisfactory, are you projecting instability? Are you on guard all the time? Are you stressed and anxious, or are you able to embrace their desires to be helpful in tough situations?
It wasn’t easy to grasp the concept of what my behavior was saying about who I was. How could I be teaching my children discipline if I wasn’t displaying it in myself? This became a tool for solving a lot of confusion I had with being consistent. I could look at my child, and instead of getting frustrated, I could ask myself, what is his behavior telling me?
Once I let go of traditional parenting methods and the belief that I always needed to have the answers, I could now focus on working with my children to solve problems together.
My new awareness would help me find inner strength and some much-needed peace to my family.
Your family can never become whole until you are aware of any compassion that you lack.
The ability to change one’s mindset about parenting is almost always avoided and highly undervalued with most men in society. Most fathers parent the way they were parented.
My realization helped me tremendously with the way I would raise my children in the future.
Looking through your child’s eyes.
There have been many times where I wished my child would listen. When I thought they might be behaving a certain way because of how they thought of me—what a huge mistake and waste of time.
Imagine thinking, not just a child, but your child was deliberately trying to cause you pain. This thinking is wrong on many different levels.
What type of child have you been raising, and where did they learn these behaviors? A better question is, why would you equate this to being a reasonable outcome inside the walls of your home.
This is a clear indication that your standards need to be raised.
There are times when I find myself questioning my capabilities and actions. There are times I need support and don’t know how to obtain that support. I could never imagine the people I chose to be in my life getting irritated or angry with my need for help. This is the same way we need to see our children.
They are not purposely pushing buttons. There are things they need us to help them with and don’t have the communication skills to express this adequately.
Could you imagine struggling, and the person you looked up to the most wasn’t only absent but getting outraged by your request? This is what I want to bring awareness to and have fathers change their course of action.
By being compassionate, you can help your child feel good but also direct them to the truth. The truth that they can count on their father to help them in any circumstances and give them attention unconditionally.
We must always strive to win the battle within.
The realization that I am human, and my struggles were a normal part of life helped me move forward. It took me a long time to face these facts and had enough clarity to understand the war I wanted to wage on my children was misdirected. It was not an external battle, but one I needed to conquer from within myself.
As I become content with who I was, this radiated down to my children. If I were always struggling with my mission, then my children would live those effects as well. I had to be aware of my impact and also my mindset that would be replicated by my children.
Reconnecting with yourself will be one of the greatest attributes to helping your child succeed in life. You can show them how great life can be by changing certain outlooks you had about the world and improving the way you choose to parent.
You need to understand that the best you have will show up not when you are the greatest parent, but rather by meeting a situation that demands it.
Parenting is like any other skill you must acquire. It is something you must develop, and it is up to you whether you want to.