There is this constant desire to have our children bend to our will. To obtain power with their submission even if our intent is not virtuous. This very acceptance of mistreating our children in the face of authority is a submission to our own internal prison. We are allowing fear to control the future of our families existence. If I am imposing my will on my child in order to attend to my needs, then it is not a genuine relationship. We should want our children to live their life according to their own innermost desires and not according to somebody else’s ideals.
We were all once a child and all once innocent. The unawareness we have with our own children is an exact indicator of how we suppress this innocence. As men, we have failed at trying to cover up our ignorance. The slightest amount of pressure reveals nothing but darkness and pain. We have allowed the ego to control our intelligence. No longer is the child allowed to be free, instead the agenda has become about being impenetrable. The ideas of vulnerability are cast aside. This leads the child to feeling they can not engage with their parents in an emotional and honest way. In an effort to appease their parents, children are now living through a false self to meet the demands. Eventually leading to a lack of genuine connection, which fosters a relationship lacking emotional authenticity. Every interaction becomes about the parents’ needs and the role a child must fill to please them. As an adult it becomes difficult to have open and honest relationships because you were taught to always put others first. We lose a sense of who we really are, our true self, and find difficulty connecting with people who openly accept us for just being who we are.
“Because sons have disagreed with their fathers, forefathers, with their whole tradition, man has evolved. This whole evolution is a tremendous disagreement with the past. The more intelligent you are, the more you are going to disagree. But parents appreciate the child who agrees; they condemn the child who disagrees…”
Osho
The resistance we experience with allowing our child to be fully accepted is related to our own struggles with self acceptance. Giving your children the freedom to grow, learn, be adventurous, make mistakes, and sometimes fail, will teach them lessons in obtaining confidence with their own decision making. You may have disagreements, but remember, they are part of a healthy relationship. Most fathers have nothing but the best intentions for their children, however, they have a hard time letting go of this control. Are you centered? Are you living with virtue? Will you be happy to have a child and will the child be happy that he was fortunate to have a father like you?
Working on self discipline in myself has eliminated the need for enforcement of these disagreements. I started to find peace when I stopped trying to control the external and took responsibility for my power of the internal. A true savage knows that peace does not come from control, but from relinquishing control. The child is simply a continuation of the father’s being.
