I will not tell you if you’re kind to your kids; they will be nice. That’s doesn’t help and usually leads your children’s attention to being overly nice.
There is a massive distinction between being nice and being kind.
Being nice leads to kids caring more about how others perceive them and less about how they see themselves. This would not be alarming, but most adults still grapple with this concept and struggle to care for themselves in today’s society.
It took me a long time to realize I didn’t want to be nice, and I didn’t want my kids to sink into the same pitfall. I didn’t want them to worry about acceptance from people who genuinely didn’t have their best interest at heart.
I know this sounds strange, how could I not want friendly kids that everyone enjoyed being around?
I wanted my kids to accept themselves without admiration from others and be strong enough to admit their flaws so they could have the desire to improve.
I would rather they be true to what they felt in their hearts. Having the courage to face adversity and temptation knowing they were not bending to the will of another.
I also made sure this pressure was not from their father.
I wanted to be a compass point, and a guide in their life’s journey, not an authoritative ruler who opposed the freedom to experience all that life has to offer.
I will explain how behaviors and parenting methods unknowingly set your children up for confusion and chaos instead of guiding them into a life of confidence and self-acceptance.
These things are often overlooked because we fail to see them in ourselves. Here are some indicators that you may be suffering from:
- A lack of self-control creates an inner hostility and allows parents to abuse their power over children during simple disagreements. This shows up in yelling, hitting, and punishing out of desperation.
- Avoidance of conflict when your child misbehaves shows them you cannot handle difficult situations and should do the same. Conflicts are healthy when dealt with honestly and openly.
- Having weak standards and not treating your children the way you would want to be treated. Let your actions and language be ones that build them up rather than breaking them down.
If these things sound bad, they should. Take a minute to think of the way you interact with your kids.
Are you keeping them stuck in constant pressure for acceptance?
At this point, your child has two options:
- Submit and put on the nice persona that their parents desire. This is a sure-fire way to have your kids endure manipulation and coercion for acceptance.
- Rebel and be in a constant state of stress. This allows destructive habits to relieve the constant pressure of anger.
Many things shape and mold our child’s personalities, and one of the most significant factors is what we learn about relationships during childhood. You have the ability to create greatness in your home if you can gain the courage not to let manageable things defeat you.
Being defeated comes from avoiding your failures. Not being able to see your faults as a father creates dysfunction in your home. If you can change some fundamental flaws within yourself, you can ensure your children will not suffer the negative consequences of being too nice.
By now, we all should understand how important it is to have a father who is present in the home. Most men fail to realize how important they are to their families and their kids’ healthy development.
A father must possess honor and pride, which can only genuinely be received if he is doing the hard work to improve. There is no other way to achieve self-respect than honestly evaluating yourself and applying sound principles to your parenting.
We all want our children to become good people and thrive in this game of life.
But are we honestly instilling these values in our children each day?
Are you displaying unacceptable behaviors to your children?
Do the rules for a healthy relationship change just because we are in charge?
We should all aim to raise our children in the best possible ways without them having to suffer from our past experiences. Many fathers suffer from bridging this gap from their childhood and pass these unhealed wounds to their children.
So how can we start to recognize these faults?
We have to be honest!
Are you or were you a Nice Guy?
We teach them how to be nice. We feed them insecurities and instill in them a constant desire for validation. They need unconditional love from dad but get mixed signals and will continue seeking approval from you and others.
When your kids are raised to be kind, they become a reflection of the actions you have taken to become an established man. You display confidence in your mission and can help your kids through difficult times with genuine concern. You teach them to care for themselves, and this self-worth gives them the strength to care about others.
You teach them they must help themselves before they can truly help others.
If we examine how we can help our kids be confident and successful individuals, we need to hold ourselves to higher standards. I will explain what this should look like and how we can make the change.
- Understand how we allow others to control us when we fall into the deception of being nice. As parents, we quickly impose this control on our kids because it is easy. Your kids now accept authority, not because it’s right, but they need attachment.
- You should never let anyone treat you badly. This applies to your children as well. Are you displaying this sentiment with them, or are you conditioning them to accept mistreatment for your benefit?
- As a man, you have the power to remove yourself from a bad situation. Your kids don’t have this option if you are the one creating that stress. Don’t let your kids feel stuck in your hopelessness.
- Be able to give yourself room to fail so you can have growth. Allow your kids to experience this same lesson and have them openly receive the help of good people. Do not make their self-worth attached to failures.
- Don’t make excuses and face difficult things head-on. Parenting is challenging and needs more attention than we give it. When we take responsibility for our role, we can meet any difficulty with confidence. No longer will our kids see our role of leadership as a burden.
The big idea here is to avoid having your children create a version of themselves that they think the parents might like better. Don’t have your kids sacrifice authenticity for acceptance if it is not based on universal morality.
There are too many people in the world who falsely display competence and strength to hide the fact that they are suffering. If we don’t raise the standards with how we parent over time, our children will develop a destructive skill set to validate their self-esteem.
If we truly want our children to stand up for themselves, we must not be the ones who are keeping them down. Don’t contribute to having your kids accept the idea that it is good when people treat them poorly. If they allow people to walk all over them, don’t be the one to plant that seed.
Your job is to display honor in the way you raise your kids. You have to instill a sense of worthiness and a theme that your kids are amazing. This is not done to inflate their ego but to reflect on their growth.
This only happens through an honest examination of the code you live by and the work you are doing.
If you need help with creating more peace in your home, schedule a meeting with me.